December 19, 2009 On Managing Emotionally Unhealthy Employees

Matt. 8:17 - "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."

We will sometimes find ourselves supervising or managing people who are not very healthy.  They may appear at first to be charming and helpful, but over time or under stress, they reveal themselves to be “wired” differently from what we would like.  They may not be certifiably ill, but it is certainly tempting to consider them “unstable.”

2. As a supervisor, we must follow the policies and procedures of our organization; however, where discretion is provided to the supervisor, we can utilize that flexibility.

3. As a leader, it is not our role to be judgmental (i.e. treating this person as a pariah, isolating them, calling them names, gossiping about them); it is our role to ensure that work is able to be accomplished by every member of the work team.

4. Through our example, we can lead others to leading a spiritual life; however, we must always remember that in spiritual affairs, one should attract others, not promote a position; and one must never discriminate on the basis of faith.

5. When people are behaving in extremely inappropriate ways, they may be functioning at an age level far below their chronological age.  We need to decide how comfortable we are in help­ing them (parenting them on the job) to develop to a more adult stage; can we do it with gentle­ness, love, respect and humor?  If not, can we help them to find a way to get that parenting?

Caution:  Assumptions should be tested with a trusted friend--it is usually not in anybody's best interest for us to take on this kind of parenting role.  There are times however when it might work--particularly if we are a teacher or have a mentoring role to play in our organization.

6. When a person is behaving in extremely inappropriate ways, he may be functioning “without boundaries,” that is without knowing where he begins and ends, where other people begin and end.  As a supervisor, it is appropriate to set boundaries, set expectations of behavior and levy consequences for meeting (celebrations) or not meeting (removal of privileges) those expectations.

7. If we are having trouble dealing with these issues, we need to find a counselor we can trust for ourselves.  This employee may be a trigger for our own growth, creating opportunities for us to see patterns in our own development that need attention.  Therapists are very helpful in such situations, particularly if they understand the work place.

8. We need to remember that every person in our life is present so that we can learn a lesson, or otherwise grow in some way. 

As spiritual women, we need to take very good care of ourselves during times of dealing with very unhealthy people.  Such people drain us of energy; we need to guard ourselves carefully during these times, and ensure that we have playful, relaxing experiences. We need to ensure that we are healthy ourselves, eating well and getting enough sleep.  Consider: a walk with a special friend; an ice cream cone; tea and crumpets after a draining session; watching a fun and funny, favorite movie after making a tough decision; turning the problem over to God, using prayer and meditation to learn how to proceed in the face of this difficulty.

Prayer for Supervising Unhealthy People.

Lord and Giver of Life, please guide me in my relationship with _______________.  Help me, please, to be able to distinguish between opportunity and temptation, between the opportunity to grow with another person and temptation to fix someone else rather than myself.  Am I attracted to this situation for healthy reasons–opportunities to live out my spiritual commitment to give and to love; or is this person another temptation to try to save, rescue, and fix, keeping the focus away from myself and my own needs?  Please guide me in knowing the difference.  Please help me to retain my own self, while doing your work.  Amen.

                                           Essay and Prayer written by Kathleen Whiteside-Langdon